Have you ever put on something you used to love and felt like it belonged to someone else? That’s the moment your style is asking to grow with you. In this episode of the Sexual Empowerment for Women podcast, personal stylist Johanna-May Manks shares how to find your personal style at any stage of life, why the way you dress is anything but superficial, and how to stop hiding in the same safe black pieces year after year.
Your Style Is Supposed to Change
I noticed it in myself before we recorded. I’d put on an outfit that used to feel like me, and it just didn’t sit right anymore. Johanna-May laughed, because it’s one of the most common things her clients come to her with. Women have babies, leave the workforce for a few years, go through a divorce or menopause, and then open the same wardrobe expecting it to still fit the woman they’ve become.
It doesn’t, and that’s not a failure. Your life changes, your body changes, your sense of yourself changes, and your style is meant to evolve right along with it. If your relationship with your body has shifted too, this guide to body image healing after 40 is a lovely companion read.
Why How You Dress Isn’t Superficial
A lot of women brush this off. It’s just clothes, I just need to be dressed. But think about the days you wake up wobbly and reach for the black leggings and the slouchy jumper. Johanna-May’s point is so simple. That outfit isn’t going to lift your mood, it’s going to keep you there.
Even if you’re home alone all day, you’ll catch your reflection in a window or a mirror, and what you see either lifts you or keeps you in a low vibe. It doesn’t have to be expensive or flash. It just has to be something that makes you feel good. For me, sometimes that starts underneath, with lingerie I love that nobody else even sees. That’s where the feeling begins.
How to Find Your Personal Style
Johanna-May always starts with personality before she ever looks at a single garment. How do you actually live? What do you do all day? Who are you when nobody’s watching? Here are the pieces she walks her clients through:
- Know your style personality. Classic, creative, romantic, relaxed. Most of us are a blend, and it can shift with our mood from day to day.
- Know your colours. Colour is the first thing people see when they look at you, and the right shades make you radiate.
- Dress for your actual life. A wardrobe full of corporate suits doesn’t help a woman whose days are playful and colourful.
- Shop your own wardrobe first. Most women already own pieces they don’t know how to wear.
- Experiment. Step a little outside the box and see what happens.
And her favourite piece of advice? Trends come and go. It’s okay to look at something in a magazine and say, that’s super cool, but it’s not for me, and I know that.
Three Style Myths Worth Letting Go Of
Black is the most flattering colour. Any dark colour is slimming, but if black isn’t your colour, it can drain you and age you. When Johanna-May said this, I went home and pulled half the black out of my wardrobe.
You need a lot of money to be stylish. You don’t. Style comes from knowing what suits you and fits you, not from the price tag. Johanna-May’s client who was heading back into corporate work after six years at home ended up buying about six new pieces. Everything else came from outfits they created out of what she already owned.
Only slim women look good. Johanna-May was lovely and blunt about this one. Most women don’t have what the magazines call a perfect figure, and she’s never met a woman who does. Style is about highlighting the parts you love and playing down the ones you don’t, and every single woman has both. More on that in a body confidence transformation that lasts.
Wanting to Be Seen, and Being Scared of It
Here’s what I see all the time. Women want to be seen, heard and appreciated, and at the very same time they’re terrified of it. So we contract, we make ourselves smaller, and we hide behind beige and black. Johanna-May sees it especially in New Zealand, where a compliment gets brushed away with an “oh, not really.”
In my work I help women open up through the body and their energy. Johanna-May does it through clothing, and it’s the same movement. It’s you saying, I’m here, look at me. So if you want to be remembered for that amazing dress or that incredible colour, let yourself be. You don’t need to apologise for it. Wear it with conviction. If feeling at home in your body is the bigger journey for you, start with how to reconnect with your body sexually.
What You’ll Hear in This Episode
- Why your style evolves through motherhood, career changes and midlife
- The different style personalities, and why most of us are a mix
- How what you wear shapes your mood, even on days you’re home alone
- What really happens in a wardrobe session, and why it’s more fun than scary
- The black-is-flattering myth and other misconceptions about style
- Why it’s okay to stand out and be remembered for what you wear
About Johanna-May Manks
Johanna-May Manks is a New Zealand personal stylist who helps women look and feel their best in their personal and professional lives. After years as a flight attendant and a cosmetics brand manager, she retrained as a stylist to combine her love of makeup, fashion and empowering women. She offers colour analysis, wardrobe makeovers and personal fashion management, in person and online.
You can find her at johanna-may.co.nz and in her free Facebook group, Women’s Image and Style Forum.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I find my personal style after 40?
Start with who you are now, not who you were ten years ago. Look at how you actually spend your days, notice which pieces make you feel good when you catch your reflection, learn which colours suit you, and experiment a little outside your comfort zone. Your style is meant to evolve as you do.
Is black really the most flattering colour?
Not for everyone. Any dark colour has a slimming effect, but if black isn’t one of your colours it can wash you out and make you look tired. A colour analysis is a quick way to find out which shades make you glow.
Do I need a big budget to dress well?
No. Most women already own far more wearable outfits than they realise. Clearing the clutter, putting new combinations together and adding a handful of well-chosen pieces usually does more than a big shopping trip.
What does personal style have to do with sexual empowerment?
Everything. How you dress is one of the ways you either shrink or take up space. When you wear what makes you feel alive and radiant, you’re telling your body it’s safe to be seen, and that feeling carries into every part of your life, including the bedroom.
Want to discover your unique path to feeling free, attractive and at home in your body? Start here.
